My parents loved me.

My parents loved me. I never got to tell them I am gay. I know they knew after all if my sister knew when I was six. They had to know. 

My mom and dad truly loved each other.  My mom was very protective of me. So if my dad hated the idea of having a gay son, he never showed it. My parents never made me feel ashamed of who I am, even though I had not accepted myself yet.

They had a lot of kids together. Sometimes I wonder if they really wanted a gay kid. Maybe they keep having kids till they got one. it makes me wonder, if I would have been straight would they have had more kids or would they have given up  I got admit my parents were not really sophisticated people but they knew the importance of showing love and kindness. Sure my dad was not big on saying I love you to us kids. If you heard it from him just once it was a big deal.  His love was more shown then said. I love and miss them.

You identify as what?

As a member of the lgbtq community I am trying to be supportive of others. But let's face it some times it is hard. With all the new ways people keep labeling themselves and others. Growing up in a time when most people were closed minded. Then slowly minds started opening. Now a days there are a lot of open minds and this is better. 

To be honest some of the things people have come up with sound stupid. And it has nothing to do with how I was raised. My parents knew my truth and never tried to shame me or make me believe it was wrong or evil. I know I will get use to them eventually. It took me a while to use to hearing a man saying his husband and women saying they have a wife, without it sounding funny and weird. When it comes to labels am I the only one hates hear the term pansexual.  Really I hear that and I can not help but think stay out of my kitchen, no one is having sex with my cookware. 

Question some people ask and their odd behavior.

When I tell people that I am gay, they have a question or two they want ask. Some do ask and some are embarrassed to ask. so they wait for some one else to ask the same question. 

The first question a straight guy ask, is have you ever had sex with a woman? My answer is no. This question lead to then how do you know you are gay if you have never been with a woman ? Answer:  Women do not do it for me sexually. Put the world's hottest woman in front of me, dressed or naked and still it's dead wood down there. Put a really hot guy in front of me dressed or naked and he has something more then his looks that attracts me. We have hard wood.

Now some of these guys have questions they ask in private. Like do you think I am attractive? If I was into guys or just curious to try it, would you hook up with me. 

This one guy who I meet and asked some of those questions, told me was a member of one of those white supremacy hate groups, but I did not really get a real hater vibe from him. It seemed like he was friendly with black guys and the Latin /Hispanic guys two. What I found really weird was we be talking ,he was complaining about someone I knew or not. As soon as the word fag or faggot came out his mouth he would look at me and apologize for saying it. 

Was I in the closet?

When I came out to my family, it was not a big deal. I know it is for some but not me. I had a couple of thoughts of how to do it but decided to just do. My thinking was get my family together and do it one of two ways. One was like do a family reunion or family cook out, where I would reveal a cake I had made special for the occasion that said either I Am here, I am queer get use to it, or congratulations it's a fag.

The other was to get them way was to gather them together and tell them I had a big announcement. But from the reaction I got from my coming out. It would be me saying I am gay and them saying, " Yeah, so what's the big announcement.

The thing about being in the closet is you have to hide your true self. I how ever , never  did that . i never change the way I act , talked and  I never dated a bunch of girls to keep people from thinking I was gay.  I was not the sort of guy who would use girls that way.  Still not. Females of the world deserve better then what they get. Women are not the weaker sex. I have been thru a lot of physical pain in my life but even I know my pain is like a stubbed toe compared to child birth. The resilience to all the shit they suffer thru makes them more God like then any man.

My views on GOD and religion.

Growing up I was taught that GOD is love. God loves all of God's creations. Now as I got older I started to hear more and more that GOD hates  you for being gay bullshit.  People were taking their religion and using it as a weapon of hate. 

This is one of the reasons I do not got to church.i do believe in God and I do love God. I also believe the Bible was edit my early religious leaders to push their own agenda. It makes the Bible make no sense and seem to contradict itself. 

Take the story of Adam and Eve. Only two people on earth. Till they have their three sons. Cain and Abel first. The third comes after Cain kills his brother Abel. Now Cain runs away after he murdered his brother. Now Eve the only woman on the planet, yet after Cain ran away he finds himself a wife. If the only woman on earth was his mother then where did his wife come from.

I do believe man was created in God's image, but when God did this , God took a step back looked over man and said , ' I think I can do better." And then God created woman. Of course people like to say gay people are not created in God's image. Not true, God is everything. I believe that after mankind discovered shame over being naked in front of each other God when sending the angels to deliver the messages of God to mankind. Told the angels here is some cloth make yourselves some coverings so not to embarrass the humans. And when the first angel came to God what they thought of their coverings , God said, " Girl that outfit is fierce.". And to anyone who have seen the comedy movie Repossessed. Who also wonder , if man is made in God's image then how do you explain Pee Wee Herman. Easy answer , even God has a sense of humor. 

I also believe that God gave gay men to the world 🌎 as a form of population control. But you shamers fucked that up. As for the gift of lesbians . Even God believes woman deserves some who can satisfy them sexually. 

Oh how I wish I could talk to my parents again!

There are times in my life when I wish I could still talk to my parents.  I know my parents knew about me before I did, but I really wish I could ask them when they knew I was gay. I just wonder if it is something the realized as I got old or did they know from the moment I was born. 

Sometimes I think if they knew from birth , then how. Was it the doctor who saw it first. And if so was the doctor like I am so sorry, you just gave birth to a bouncing baby faggot.  Then told my parents if they wanted they would euthanize me and tell the family I was still born. But my parents said hell no. He is our little boy and gay or straight we will love no matter what!!!! 

I really miss my parents!!!!!

That would be bad, but your okay with this, WHAT?????

When I was in elementary school I wanted to play baseball on a actual team. But my parents said no. They told me that they were afraid I would get hurt. It did make some sense at the time. I remember my eyesight was not the best and I guess I was a little clumsy and not really athletic. 

So I eventually lost interest in sports. But then an odd thing my older sister was allowed to play softball. I never really understand why it was okay for her to change getting hurt but not me  

And now I find it strange that my parents were afraid of the possibility of me getting hit in the face with balls but we're some how okay with me having a sex life were I definitely get balls hitting me in the face. Right!!!!!!